Welcome to My Website!
Learn 'How to' Date Wisely & Find Love.
Enhance Your Communication Skills, Self-Value & Marriage.
Seminars, By-Phone & In-Office Sessions
Dr. Denise, Dating, Relationship and Personal Development Expert
760-798-9076
"You've Got What it Takes"
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To check the schedule of seminars
Call 760-798-9076
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Gain the Keys to Love and Inner Harmony
...discovering, exploring and making the changes you say you want
"My mission is to help men and women enhance their
"love potential" by learning powerful and motivating ways to think, feel and act, which will promote connection, clear communication and self-value."
Denise Budden-Potts, Ph.D.
My name is Dr. Denise Budden-Potts. This website is for the person, ages 20 through 90, who feels "stuck" in some way and wants to open up new choices. You are not alone. Many of us experience 'confusion,' 'conflictt' and 'regret' from time to time. In the process of living life, many things seem to happen 'to us.' Truth be told, what happens 'to us' is really happening 'for us' to learn and evolve as human beings with the capacity to share our love, skills and capabilities.
We can choose to stay 'stuck' (grumbling that "there are no good men out there," or having the same fight over and over with our partner) or begin to recognize 'stuck' as an opportunity to take action. Why not choose to influence the future direction of your life? Imagine going to the end of your life...out to 75, 80 or 90 years of age...looking back and seeing you have not done what you say you want. How do you feel? You never had the quality of relationship with your spouse and children you say you want. For the single people, you did very little or nothing to meet 'the one." You said you wanted to build new friendships or travel to Spain and you never did it.
The relationship you have with yourself on the inside is going to shape how you think, feel and behave so why not harness more of your 'inner capabilities and resources' so you live with Courage, Heart, and Wisdom.
I offer Therapy, Counseling, Coaching and Trainings focusing on 7 Themes:
1- Letting go of an "ex:" Still hooked on an ex? Let's talk about what keeps you hooked emotionally and what you will do differently next time.
2- Securing an Engagment. How to encourage a proposal. Want to marry a man you have been dating for a year or longer? or maybe you want to meet and marry "the one for you" in the next year. Find out what to say and do to get a proposal.
3- How-to Date Wisely. Take the angst and frustration of out dating: Elevateyour know-how so you can weed out insincere men and fulfill your desire for connection and lasting love.
4- How to Develop and Communicate "Healthy Boundaries" with friends, co- workers and family members in order to alleviate power struggles, conflict and misunderstanding.
5- Gain Self-Awareness. Zero in on harmful and stifling communication patterns you and others blindly employ that hurt relationships. Power-up your communication skills and make them productive, relationship- enhancing ones.
6- Choose your Feelings. Are you on an 'emotional roller coaster' feeling overwhelmed, anxious, angry, hopeless, or sad more often than you'd like? Reinvent yourself and build new choices in 'emotional states' that will serve you.
7- Melt away Self-doubt and 'Confusion.' Tap into your inner resources and
build a compelling future.
A Healthy, Loving Relationship is Possible
When it comes to 'love' and 'relationship,' these important aspects of living always represent further opportunities for learning. The high divorce rate attests to this need, as does the number of people who report stress and upset when relating with specific people in their lives (e.g. daughter, husband, boss, sister).
Accelerate Personal Development
When we learn to 'run our brains' more effectively, we have greater access to the part of our mind that makes change doable. Cognitive therapy, hypnosis and NLP (Neuro-linguistic Programming) are simply the tools that 'train our brains' to make more empowering, healthy choices. We can change any unwanted habit, emotion, and open up new possibilites to improve finances, career and family relationships when we harness the mind's inner power to refocus, create and take action.
You've Got To Want to Change and Know How
There are three prerequistes for making change happen. First, 'you got to want to change.' Saying someday... "I'll get this extra 40 pounds off' or "meet Mr. Right," or "stop feeling upset and resentful because my boss constantly criticizes," is not wanting to change. To decide you must release the extra pounds, develop a plan involving systematic baby steps, and gain the inner 'resolve' to follow-through, is congruently wanting to change. "Congruence" is a state where words and actions match. We must beleive 'it is possible' and 'worth it' to make the changes we say we want.
The Conscious and Unconscious Minds Working Together
Step 2, knowing how to change involves generating those beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that will support what you say you want. For instance if every time you stand to speak up at work you feel anxious, your voice trembles and the words do not come out of your mouth as you'd like, building in some new behaviors and presentation skills so you know 'how-to' speak confidently is needed. To expect yourself to 'know-how' to speak comfortably, without 'self-management tools' is a set-up for anxiety and disappointment.
You've Got To Give Yourself a Chance to Change
"Giving yourself a chance to change" is our third step to ensuring we follow through making the changes we want. No one I know release 40 pounds in one week. This a through-time process that involves one pound at a time. And if you go out on one date or even 10 dates and still have not met Mr. or Ms. Right, are you going to give up? ...tell yourself 'it's hopeless' like so many people do. And when a person develops some auto-immune illness or finds his/her skin breaking out, they may, in addition to a doctor's care, want to give themselves an a chance to examine the inner thoughts, fears and concerns that are playing a role. Hypnosis, Cognitve Therapy and NLP are viable tools for helping us to relax and move forward.
Gain More Choice in How you Think, Feel and Communicate
"Why do I feel like a scolded little girl every time I get off the phone with my mother?" exclaims one frustrated adult-age daughter. Or the discouraged wife who declares, "My husband and I have blow-ups again and again. I just don't understand how this happens." Not only is self-awareness and increasing flexibility in thinking and behavior relevant to all relationships, the topic of building skills and know-how to find that 'special someone' is essential for the single woman. Who wants to make an unwise choice in a future mate? None of us do.
A Healthy Long-Term Relationship takes Skill
The good news is that there are specific ways to weed out men or women who will not make healthy, loving partners. Most women in particular, fall in love far too fast, mismanage themselves and have an incomplete strategy for ensuring she loves only a sincere, "healthy" man. Had she educated herself in three major areas, heartache and regret could have been prevented. My "Dating With Your Future In Mind" programs (By-phone or 2 day in-person), help a women get centred and serious about her value as a loveable, desireable person.
This May Shock You But Mr. Right Won't Be Knocking
Unfortunately many single women with whom I speak have given up on love. Some actually believe, "something must be 'wrong' with me." How sad that a woman would choose to think this way. Mr. Right won't be coming to her door anytime soon when such a devaluing attitude persists. Others, especially those who have been previously married, tell me they are not sure they want to 'get involved' again.
Overgiving and Overcontrolling Behaviors Set a Person up for Eventual Rejection
When questioned further what I hear is a history of overgiving and 'loosing themselves' in a relationship. Or the flip side is the 'controlling' woman who 'rows the boat' from the beginning, rushing her date to commit and assuming he wants what she wants. Is it any wonder these two extremes ways of behaving have led to hesitation and ambivalence?
Finding Love and Giving Love are Opportunites for Personal Development
Setting healthy boundaries and having the 'how-to" tools which ensure a healthy, balanced relationship' is something any woman or man can learn to do. Surely, given the importance of love in a person's life, adequate preparation is necessary. Preparation involves eradicating harmful communication patterns. Relationships are like fine china. Craftsmanship, skill and know-how go into their creation.
Human Beings Want to Feel Loved and Appreciated
Human behavior is incredibly diverse. For this reason alone, having a 'full set of china' within our grasp equips us to deal with special circumstances and special people. Who needs to feel like they have cement in their shoes, 'stuck' or 'resentful,' as if there is no solution? There are always solutions, yet to be discovered choices in how we can think, respond, and communicate differently. Exercising "choice" is truly better than no choice.
Unique Services For Fulfilling Relationships Through Self-Discovery and Decision-Making Strategies
Since I've offered a pep talk underscoring the importance of "personal development," please read through these web pages and consider a next step. Most human beings want to feel loved and appreciated. To foster love and closeness may require you to open your mind...to expand your mental map, shift an attitude, widen your emotional pallette and actions so new possibilities open where you thought there were none. The good news is that throwing bowling balls into the gutter is easily shifted to centre alley precision when you determine what to do instead.
You May Be Wondering...
You may be wondering why you can't seem to find a loving partner, or if married, how marital bliss one minute, flares into fighting or getting the 'cold shoulder, the next. Self-acceptance is a critical factor. In fact, the more self-love you have, the more understanding, closeness and trust will percolate throughout your relationships. Life is too short for spending another New Years eve single and alone. Haven't spoken to your sister in over a year?...why not learn what to do so her "difficult" behavior is no longer an issue. Whatever your Achilles Heel in the love or relationship department, anything is solvable when you decide to take action.
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